"A little integrity is better than any career." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Are you a person of your word and of upstanding character? So you've accepted a new position and given your word that you're joining a new company - now it's time for the resignation conversation. Resigning is no fun - the conversation typically goes in 1 of 3 ways:

1. They congratulate you and wish you the best of luck {potentially}
2. They get mad and walk you out of the office {potentially}
3. They ask you to "think about it" and start putting together a counter-offer {potentially}

For this discussion, we're going to focus on option #3, the counter-offer. Guilty, doubtful, fear of change – these are probably some of the emotions you will feel during your resignation. Resigning isn’t meant to be easy, but what we must remember two main things:

1. You're only as good as your word
2. Counter-offers are almost always counter-productive to your career

Upon accepting a counter offer, the power shifts in multiple ways. First, the company is now in control of the timetable of your transition. Versus a standard two week notice, your boss can now take his time in finding your replacement. Second, you're now known as someone that is not "on the bus." You've been out schmoozing with other companies while everyone else is working hard. Third, you're very likely no longer considered for future promotions. Who wants to build a team around someone that will jump at the first opportunity? Here are 3 more key reasons not to accept a counter-offer:

1. Why did your company wait for you to resign to say these things or promise these changes? Have they not always valued you to give you what you deserve?
2. No matter how you behave in the future, you'll always be regarded with suspicion. You've already shown that you're ready to leave, so management will be waiting for you to do it again.
3. A counter-offer is almost always about money. The reasons people leave are almost never about money alone. 60 hour work week? Don't respect your boss? That doesn't change with more money.

In conclusion, if you are faced with a counter-offer, always go back and remind yourself of the reasons why you wanted to leave in the first place. Ask yourself if this counter offer will satisfy those needs. Ask yourself why your company is only offering these things now. In the end, ask yourself, "Am I a person of my word and integrity?"

I've seen a properly executed and well-timed thank you note seal the deal in an interview process multiple times. I've also seen the lack of follow-up communication from a candidate expressing gratitude to a hiring manager make a sure thing go sideways. I would highly recommend both a formal email thank you message and hand-written thank you card sent to each individual involved in the interview.

In addition to thanking the person you met, the thank you note reinforces the fact that you are very interested in the position. Use your letter to highlight any specific items that you want to leave the decision makers thinking about after the interview. You can also view the thank you as a follow-up "sales" message. In other words, restate why you want the job, your qualifications, and the impact you'll make in the first 90 days.

Here is a strong example of a well-written thank you email:

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Dear X,

Thank you for meeting with me today. I sincerely appreciate your time and enjoyed our conversation. Based on our discussion, I am very interested in potentially joining you and your team. I strongly feel that my x years of experience leading x, y, and z will make a substantial impact to your team's pursuit of x.

Thank you again for your time, kindness, and consideration. I look forward to speaking with you again in the near future.

Very appreciative,

-Candidate
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Here is a strong example of a well-written personal thank you card (short and sweet):

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Dear X,

Thank you for meeting with me on Friday. I sincerely appreciate your time, enjoyed our conversation, and look forward to speaking with you again in the near future.

Most sincerely,

-Candidate
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Finally, remember to proofread - if you misspell something or have a grammar error in a short message, as a hiring manager I'm assuming you'll have 40+ grammar errors in a 40 hour work week. If you've just left a strong interview you're excited about, get the thank you email and hand-written note out immediately - you'll be glad you did.

An incredibly gifted mentor of mine tells a great story about how he returned from work one day and announced, “Honey, start packing – I’ve accepted a new job and we’re moving.” His wife was understandably upset and blindsided that he made such a big decision without consulting her. I see this scenario on a much too frequent basis in the executive search world – from a recruiting standpoint, executive placements rarely “stick” if the spouse is not on board with the decision.

Why is it important to involve your spouse in your career decisions? Looking at it from a biblical perspective, I believe the Lord gives the spouse an incredible amount of intuition and discernment in making big decisions. Wise counsel can help us to avoid any shortsightedness or biases and also help us to consider alternative options that may exist. In my experience, more often than not, the spouse verifies the “gut feeling” regarding the path that you’ve already unconsciously chosen. In addition, prioritizing your spouse in your life will not make every decision easy for you, but it can likely eliminate and weed out some selfish decisions you may be tempted to make that would hurt the person closest to you. At the very least, by involving one’s spouse early in the decision process, there will be no surprises once the final decision has been made.

When working with married individuals that are making critical career decisions, I always ask the question, “what does your wife/husband think?” If the spouse is not onboard or has not been consulted, that’s a huge red flag for me as an executive recruiter. In addition, I try to get the hiring manager + spouse and the executive hire + spouse together for lunch or dinner as a final step in the CXO recruiting process. Involvement from a candidate’s spouse during the decision making process can either uncover potential areas of concern or bring confirmation and ultimately, greater peace to candidate as he/she moves forward in negotiations. Spousal intuition plays a vital role in placement and ultimately benefits both the candidate and client.

Resigning from a job really stinks. I remember when I left my last employer to start CXO. Being a key player in the company, I was very anxious and clueless of how to approach such a delicate situation. Would my employer take my resignation personally? Would there be legal repercussions regarding confidential information, non-compete, non-disclosure, and non-soliticitation clauses? Or, would he pat me on the back and wish me the best of luck?

Prior to resigning, I took a good friend and mentor to lunch to ask his opinion on the matter. As the president of a much larger agency, he'd seen quite a few good and bad examples of people leaving his firm. He made several extremely wise recommendations:

• Schedule a formal onsite meeting for the end of the business day. No one wants to sit through a fancy lunch or offsite coffee when you're dealing with bad news. 
• Script out a formal resignation speech/statement that lasts no longer than 30 seconds. Focus on gratitude and emphasize the positives of the time spent working together.
• Shut your mouth - from that point, answer any questions he/she might have regarding the transition out of the company. Keep the details and excitement regarding the new position/company to a minimum.
• Mutually set the expectation that you'll both sleep on the situation and reconvene in the near future to discuss offboarding and how to best align for a seamless transition.

Once all the transition details have been agreed-upon, consider laying low for a while. Your former employer doesn't necessarily want to hear about your awesome new job, plus time and distance can go a long way in healing broken relationships. By being graceful in your resignation, you can keep from burning a bridge and hopefully have a future reference and recommendation that can do wonders for your career.

In early May, CXO had the opportunity to hear two local executives and mentors speak on the topic of “Taking Responsibility and Ownership.” The setting was a panel discussion focused on questions and answers where the “seasoned” men gave practical advice to young leaders that are a few stages of life behind the mentors. To kick off the discussion, two very personal definitions were given for the term, “responsibility.”

• Responsibility is asking the right questions in regards to relationships: What relationships are most important to me? How are things going with those relationships? Your spouse? Your children? Your coworkers?
• Responsibility is the essence of masculinity. Most of the big questions in life are full of ambiguity - you must remember God and lean into the mystery.

Second, 4 questions were discussed in regards to understanding your identity in regards to taking ownership of “your junk.”

• To whom have you given the authority to judge your life? (audience)
• Why do you matter? (purpose)
• Who are you? (identity)
• Why are you here? (significance)

Third, the panel focused on the choices you make when taking responsibility:

• What do you want?        -vs-
• What are you willing to pay for?

Are you willing to make the investment of time, energy, and resources to go after what you want? Or, are you simply daydreaming? There is a price to pay for all of your desires and choices. There were two key points that also struck me during this discussion.

• Number one: don’t set an expectation at work that is at variance with your responsibilities at home. You must choose very wisely if you’re going to have a sustainable work/life balance.
• Number two: don’t be afraid to say “no.” To maintain proper rhythm in your life, you must be able to decline opportunities and requests that are not in-line with your pre-established priorities. 

Fourth, we discussed the idea of building a team of allies in which you can live transparently in community:

• Each of us puts on masks for the world to see based on what we ‘think’ they want to see in effort to create an illusion of righteousness.
• If you’re married, your wife should be the first piece of your team, biggest confidant, and strongest ally. You must learn to trust her discernment and submit to her judgment. By aligning in life with your wife, you can "double the fun of successes and share half of the angst of losses."

Finally, we talked about a few key indicators to show if you're not accepting responsibility and taking ownership in your life:

• Watch closely to see if you have an inappropriate emotional response to a stimulus. If you’re not taking responsibility, your emotions will be out of line with the stimulus provided
• Always watch your desire for ‘character success’ versus ‘circumstance success.’ Gauge to see if you are on-kilter with your responsibilities. Enemies will be most aggressive around areas in your life where you’re the least responsible.